The 'Yes' of No Story
Ever find yourself repeating stories about how (badly) someone else is acting while mentally defending your position? It's fascinating how it feels better in your head, but actually does nothing to increase your sense of well being.
This post is the first in a series of insights from “The 100 Days of Yes” Project: a quest to explore what it means to meet every moment with the energy of yes.
No surprise that on this adventure I am seeing how often, when I think I'm just "responding to life unfolding”, I'm actually in a heels dug in no.
Making Up Stories
The other day I stumbled into the trap of mentally trying to control the “is-ness’ of someone else with judgement, blame and self-righteousness and messed with my own ease and full permission to live in yes...
Free Yourself Up and Take Your Power Back
Here's a place to get curious: Is someone else really doing anything that's creating a problem for you, other than in your own head? Or are you the one creating the problem with your own resistance and blaming it on them?
Some ways to untangle yourself from the rigid, resistant energy of no that blocks openness and possibility:
- Notice what you’re thinking.
- Get curious about whether your thought is actually true.
- See what opens up if you're willing to be wrong about it.
- Check for “the rules” - Am I making up how someone else, or life, should be or not be? (this one is pure, undiluted ‘no’ energy)
- Am I influenced by something other than my own inner compass? Am I letting someone else’s behaviour dictate who and how I’m being?
- Check for feelings of guilt, obligation, fear of someone not liking you or a 'screw you’ energy. All of these things pull you off course.
- Get still for a few moments, check what feels most true for you right now. Can you find the energies of kindness, authenticity, curiosity and open-heartedness? If so, give yourself permission to act in alignment with them without needing to control what’s true for someone else.
No one wins when we make ourselves or them wrong. Or when we bend ourselves to fit our ego's agenda or the desires of others.
If it doesn't feel true for you, that's valid, and if you keep trying to get in alignment with something that feels off, it will inevitably create tension and constriction, and disconnect you from the freedom to create what you truly want.