I Forget, ALL THE FUCKING TIME

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I know the truth about who I am. I know that I am a combination of the polarities of good and bad, light and shadow. I know these pairs of opposites not only depend upon one another for existence but actually support one another’s fruition in life.

I see the results of love in action in my life, of intentional living as my foundation. I feel powerful. It’s almost too much. I know the deep reserve of universal intelligence within me is bottomless. I paradoxically know everything and nothing. My container is full, it’s bright, it’s radiant and yet I’m afraid.

I forget.

I speak to God and she speaks to me. I get that confused with the small voice of hesitation that can be so loud it is deafening. I fear my doubt. I fear my power. I know that they come from the same source, that it is all God, asking me to step up, into, and through to shine.

I forget, all the fucking time.

I worry about mediocrity. I concern myself with the frivolities of thought that make me question my purpose and passion. I know that life is the gift. I know there’s beauty in the mundane, in the soft curl of my daughter’s hair around her rosy cheek as she sleeps. I know there’s wisdom to be found in the daily to dos, in sitting with my son at the kitchen table while we work on equivalent fractions. I know these acts which are overlooked as important and big in our world are fuel for my passion and purpose. The relationships and responsibilities of my life are kindling for the fire in my soul that screams CREATE, LIVE, PLAY.

And yet, I forget.

The forgetting is starting to interest me. There’s profound insight to be found here. Maybe it’s not the forgetting itself that is saying, get curious about this. Maybe it’s the remembering. It’s the REMEMBERING that I’m falling in love with over and over again.

Just like the light and shadow support one another, the forgetting and remembering need each other to be seen.

So, yeah, I forget, all the fucking time. And I get to remember. I get to remember that I am good and worthy. That we all are. That nothing in life is mediocre or trivial, that everything is sacred and beautiful in its extra-ordinariness. I get to remember, so I can forget, then enjoy the sweetness of remembering again.